A hole in the darkness
by Naraya-Marjana
Summary: I've always wondered at Jack and Riddick. In The Chronicles of Riddick, they seem to share a special bond. As if they wanted to break it off as much as stay together, but they can't do either of those things. This story is about Jack's developing feelings for Riddick.
1. Chapter 1

O my God, this cannot be happening. I cannot take it. What am I going to do? How did all of this even happen? Shit, I should have stayed back home. I never should have gone off planet. Now I am stuck in the middle of this huge, empty space with no one I can trust.

People keep dying. What if it comes down to just me and him? What if we are the only ones to survive? I can't leave the planet with him. I'd rather die here. I'd rather stay with Carolyn.

Pull yourself together, girl. There is very little chance you're going to make it. That should comfort you.

Yeah, I feel so much _better_ now. But honestly, what was that? One moment Paris is no more, I start bleeding again and Riddick is looking at me like… like what? Like he knows I'm bleeding? Like he can _smell_ it? Shit, I was so hoping it wouldn't come to that. Okay, so the guy has extra sharp senses. If that were true, he should have told on me already, maybe back at the ship or right after the eclipse or whenever. Instead, he kept his mouth shut and is now… what? Looking at me sympathetically?

Is that what it was? Okay, what was it in the first place? What was that emotion on his face? Wait, he's a killer, he doesn't get emotional. Or does he?

Great, just what I need right now. A guy who all our lives depend on, growing a soft spot for me. Probably just means he's looking to get off. Why can't he go rape Carolyn if that's what he's after?

Wait, I did not just think that, did I? Gosh, this place is turning me into a selfish bitch. Carolyn saved all our lives when the ship crash-landed; it's not fair to think things like that. I just want it to be over, I just want to see the sunlight again and get away from all the screaming.

But what if he does not want to do anything to me? What if he… I don't want to think it through. It's been _ages_ since someone was nice to me. Okay, someone who knew I was a girl. Okay, a _man_ who knew I was a girl. This kind of stuff just does not happen! Not in this universe, anyhow! For crying out loud, how do I know he's not after my blood? Figuratively speaking. How do I know I don't smell good enough to _kill_?

I do _not_ want him to take an interest in me! That was the point of dressing up as a guy! To avoid any kind of attention from huge, skilled fighters with unnatural tendencies! And he's been paying too much attention to me as it is. Not much wrong with that if you're taken for a boy. I thought giving in to my idolizing him would make sure no one suspected the truth. But after I started bleeding and things took turn for the worst, I dropped my hero worship act real quick.

This is all my fault. I got myself into this mess and I can't get out in one piece. Unless _he_ really does have a soft spot for me or is feeling particularly merciful at the moment. What am I thinking? I'll get eaten anyway by those _things_ and he won't even lift a finger to prevent it. Well, maybe he would if he was in the way and a monster wanted him for lunch first. Ha! I bet he would not take that sitting down.

He sure is something. He's skilled; he can protect himself, which is more than I can say for myself. He's not afraid of anything. He's in control all the time. How does he do that? Wouldn't it be great if I had someone to look after me, someone who wouldn't _use_ me, someone strong and caring?

Why for heaven's sake must I always attach my fantasies to the wrong person? Even if I do survive, he'll be off in a flash and I will never see him again. I _will_ never see him again after this. Not a fantasy, a fact.

It seems I have made a mistake. I have let my imagination run away with me and now there is a big hole in my defenses. A wound. And darkness all around me. Isn't there any light left in this world, are there no decent people who could make your dreams come true?

Why does the only man strong enough to save me, to save all of us, have to be a murderous bastard?

A selfless bastard.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Don't you cry for Johns. Don't you dare."_

He was standing so close I could feel his breath on the nape of my neck. His words only confirmed what I already knew.

It's the way he said those words that bothers me. There is tenderness somewhere inside that big man, though probably used only for deception and perverted pleasure.

So Johns died instead of me. Riddick chose to kill _him_ instead of _me_. I guess there is nothing left to say after that.

Oh yes, there is, there is everything to say! I am alive, Johns is dead, and Riddick is looking at me funny. What is wrong with this picture?

Nothing, except that I have no reason to believe he did it for _me_. For all I know he might want to kill me slowly, take his time, enjoy it. Johns was a merc, an experienced fighter, even if he was no match for Riddick. They had no time for playing games. Plus, Riddick hated Johns. Maybe I am just not that high on Riddick's list of priorities.

A murderer having a list of priorities. That sounds sick, even to me.

Damn, why do things have to be so complicated? We are all in danger, everything is so dark and full of strange noises, a man who wanted me dead is being digested even as I speak, and there is a serial killer who might or might not have a thing for me. Can the situation get any worse?

The answer is, yes, it can get _a lot_ worse. I should shut up and be grateful I am not slithering down some alien's throat.

What the hell, as long as things are that bad, I might take advantage of the situation. If Riddick saved me once, he probably wants me alive, even if only to end me personally at some later date.

I _am_ grateful, a little bit. He doesn't need any of us, now that Johns is dead. We are a liability to him. He could make his escape and leave each and every one of us in the dark, to be eaten when the lights go out. No witnesses, no one to tell anyone where he might go.

Sooner or later, the lights will go out. And then we will see what Riddick is really made of. See in the dark, get it?

Nothing is left untouched by this place. Not my sense of humor, not Riddick. Stone and metal, or flesh and blood, in the end we will see.

_I_ will see.


	3. Chapter 3

We have come full circle. I am once again in a dark place, with no one to trust, no one to take care of me. Nothing has changed, really. Something painful clenches in my chest when I think of it.

It seems silly that something as simple as rain could be the end of me. Carolyn and Imam, as well. But not _him_.

I have begun to think nothing could destroy Riddick. He's a survivor. He's probably already at the skiff, starting the launch. We will die and he will live. I should have known. Only I didn't _know_. I feared death – still do – and I hoped for a different closure, but I did not _know_.

Is it possible? Is he going to come back for me, for us? And why would he?

Now, on the brink of death, the reasons for his actions do not seem as important as before. He's either selfish or noble – though I can't imagine Riddick ever being called _noble_ – the gist of the matter is this: I – we would not be here, in this cramped little hole, without him. We would not have survived even this long without him. I don't care if he did it just to save his ass! He saved me, he protected me. I _am_ alive. Alive because of him.

The odds have never been good. Many have died. Yet I live. Imam lives and Carolyn lives. And Riddick. If anyone is going to survive this, it's going to be Riddick. The odds have always been in his favor. The rest of us just didn't know it. Everyone thought we could use him to escape from this planet and use him we did. Somewhere along the way, he became the leader of our group, the force that kept us going.

Now that force is gone. He has forsaken us. He has broken free of our hold on him, the hold we never really had.

Do we deserve any less?

A man like Riddick won't be held in captivity, he's proven that much. He'll break free every single time. He will battle against the odds and make his escape, killing everyone in his path.

I guess we – Carolyn, Imam and I – are now the obstacle on his course. An obstacle that must be overcome or removed, either by stealth or force. And he has done just that. Rather than killing us, spilling our blood, and drawing the attention of the creatures, he got rid of us less strenuously yet as effectively.

We trusted him. We made it _easy_ for him. Nobody doubted him until the second we realized we were in here and he was out there. We had no light. We could not go out without being eaten. And he was off, putting into action his own scheme for survival.

That is the truth. Cold, hard truth.

I have never been a big fan of truth. I have always been a dreamer. If that weren't the case, I would still be back home. And I would never have met Riddick.

What all of my reasoning comes down to is only this: either I believe he betrayed us and we are all going to die, or I believe he will come back, and some of us will get another chance of life.

Like I said, truth has never been my favorite thing in the universe. It's usually unpleasant and makes you stupid and slow. I think Riddick is a dreamer, as well. In his desire to be free, he simply ignores all the reality-based assumptions like how slams are supposed to be inescapable, or how a dark planet with carnivorous aliens is supposed to be a death trap.

That's the main reason why he is out there and we are in here. Why he is the master of his fate and we are nothing but a sitting target.

A man who has so much power over his own destiny can't really take time to care for others. I could believe it to be true if not for a simple fact.

I am _alive_.

The odds have never been in _my_ favor. I have been wanted dead by human and non-human monsters alike. Strangely enough, Riddick has never been one of those monsters.

Being deluded was never part of my mission in life. All evidence shows that he felt a kind of gentleness towards me. I am nevertheless stuck in a place that will soon become my tomb, and I am feeling pretty much the same way I have felt for all my life – neglected, abandoned, and angry.

The question is not whether I am going to live or not. I am deciding right now whether I'm going to die a bitter, resentful shrew.

I already have my answer. Truth be told, I have never _meant_ to have a crush on an escaped convict, but I do, and now that I am going to die, I want to take full advantage of my infatuation.

I want to _enjoy_ it. I want to believe he will come back and save me one more time, I want to believe he really is capable of caring for someone, and I want to believe I am that someone.

The rest I don't really care about. Not right now, anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! This cannot be happening – again! I almost died so many times during the last twenty-four hours I can't even count them anymore, and now I am going to live, and Riddick hasn't returned, and Carolyn's gone looking for him, and I am safe, I am at the skiff, Imam is here with me, he's safe, and Riddick and Carolyn are gone – gone!

It's the single most idiotic thing you could ever imagine. It cannot be true, I won't believe it's true! Fuck this planet, and the aliens, and Riddick, and that stupid ship, and this skiff that has been waiting 22 years for us to get stranded on this God-forgotten piece of rock, and this damn thing is taunting us, fooling us into trying to escape.

There were so many of us at first. A group of forty, forty-five people, reduced to just four now. If Riddick or Carolyn doesn't come back, who will pilot the skiff? Ha? Who will pilot this stupid piece of shit?

Why did he have to come back? Why did Carolyn have to go after him? _Again?_ Fuck you, Riddick, you're nothing but trouble. I hope aliens do eat you and I hope they choke on your big stupid ass.

Yeah, so I'm pissed because I have lasted this long only to get eaten after all. Some way to die. You don't get to die quickly, not knowing what's coming for you, but you have to see it, escape it, see it again, almost not escape it, escape it again, and finally reach safety, and then you die. That's just fucking sadistic.

I am now a bona fide, certified bitch. From now on, I'll think of my needs first, and I won't care about anyone else. Never again! I won't give a damn about anyone else ever again!

If I survive this. If one of them comes back.

Oh, who am I kidding? If _he_ doesn't come back, I'll kill him myself. He came back! He came back for me! Just like I imagined he would! Against all the odds, he survived the journey to the skiff, and then returned to the cave, and I have been so happy, and now I am sick with fear that he won't come back again.

If Carolyn hadn't gone looking for him, I would have. I'm no captain, and no fighter, but I would have gone looking for him.

I love him.

I did not just think that, did I?

The proximity of death is messing with my mind. I am imagining things. I am trying to squeeze all emotions of an entire lifetime into just a few minutes. I am sick, sick at heart.

I very nearly died several times in the last twenty-four hours, and I am sick. My head hurts, and my legs are shaky, and there is light all around me and my eyes hurt, and I am close, so close to leaving this pathetic excuse of a planet, but I can't, I can't.

I can't pilot the skiff, and neither can Imam, and the only two people who could do that are out there in the darkness, probably injured, maybe dead.

Isn't that just perfect?

I heard him scream.

I have never heard a man scream like that before. It was a sound of defiance, and anger, and pain. He is in trouble, and I am the reason why he's in trouble, and he wouldn't have been wounded at all if it hadn't been for me. If I had died in the beginning, like I should have, then maybe he wouldn't have been in this mess.

Oh my God, what if he can't walk? What if Carolyn dies trying to help him, or if she can't find him, and he can't come back on his own? Imam and I could be stuck here, sitting in the skiff, until lights go out again, and the monsters come and finish us off.

I don't want to die. I didn't want Shazza to die. I hope Carolyn doesn't die. I hope Riddick doesn't die.

Let them come back, please. Just – let them come back.

No! They will come back, they have to – they just have to! It can't be all in vain! I can't have survived up until now only for them not to return.

Let them live. I want them to live. Carolyn is my friend, she has stood up for me, she tried to save me, she understood why I did what I did. She deserves to live. Please, I want Carolyn to live.

And Riddick. If that infuriating man doesn't come back, I'll – I'll die. Please, I can't stand for him to leave me. He is my friend, too. He protects me. I may mean nothing to him, but he protects me all the same.

Please, please, let Riddick live.

When he returned to the cave, it was the best moment of my life. He was so beautiful, all businesslike and no-nonsense, smiling like we were the only people in the universe that mattered. And he looked so sad. He probably knew it was a gamble against fate, trying to save all of us. Did he know, then, he would lose?

I've heard that wild animals have a way of knowing when they are going to die. Maybe Riddick has that, too.

What must it be like, knowing you will die if you do a certain thing, and then doing it anyway? What kind of a man does that?

It doesn't matter. Riddick came to our rescue – probably against his better judgment, and now it's going to cost him. Dearly.

He doesn't deserve that. He doesn't deserve to die because of a good deed. But the screaming – it sounded like he was being ripped apart.

Where is the justice?

Please, please, let him come back to me just one more time. Just one more time. I want to get a chance to thank him, I want to give him a hug – let's see if he can take that without trying to kill me – and I want to be free again, with him.

I want to be free of the darkness, but if Riddick dies, I will never be free. I will forever hear the screams of the monsters that destroyed my champion, and I will never ever be whole again.

He has wounded me, and healed me, and now I carry him inside, and there is light in the darkness, a light coming from him.

I will leave a part of me behind, if I have to leave without him. The most important part of me.

My heart.


End file.
